i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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