there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
