I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
