My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
