Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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