don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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