Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
