either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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