"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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