It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
