i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
