the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
