I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
