this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
