i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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