We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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