i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
