Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
