Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im drinking this country out of the recession.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
