Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
