is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
