Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
