I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
