two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
