I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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