so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
