walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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