dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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