If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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