i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
