This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
