She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
