Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
