Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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