I think I won the penis lottery.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
