the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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