I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
