Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
