Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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