I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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