this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
