Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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