And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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