break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
