Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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