VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
