Fine. I'll sleep in my office
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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