You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
