you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
