so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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